Holiday Writings from 2008

More stuff from the past.  My first summer holiday without The Absent Father was a difficult affair.  But very fortunately my Uncle invited me to stay on his house on an island off the coast of west France.  I took the laptop my father gave and wrote quite a lot.  I have edited the two holiday pieces and offer them up for you here.  The first piece, Bicycles and Beaches, tells of my recovery during the holiday, whilst somewhat confusingly, the second piece tells of my journey to the island.  DN2 was already there, having travelled with my Uncle and his girlfriend and her family who had then returned to Paris after a ten days.  Re-reading  and editing, I stand by the order in which they are presented.

The Good, The Bad and Toe Curling

Yes I know more posts.  But it's that time of year when I know my brain has to switch off work so that it can be properly rested before next week.  January is such a demanding month, two weeks in it seems like months since Christmas and equally months until February.  However my mind is beginning to pick up speed, so rather than exhaust myself round the sales with money better not spent, I turn inwards.

One of those End of the Year Reviews

So we've got the vast amount of food and preparation out of the way, all been jolly and glad to be us.  Now it's downhill to the New Year and January again, with all that self improvement calling us forwards.  For me I've got anniversaries to get through, times of the year when the sadness will envelope unbidden.  So I'm going to try and put some armour in place this year.  Get myself prepared so that I don't cause myself and others avoidable suffering.

I was looking up the definition of the word "pity" and came up with this:

'Pity originally means feeling for others, particularly feelings of sadness or sorrow, and was once used in a comparable sense to the more modern words "sympathy" and "empathy". Through insincere usage, it now has more unsympathetic connotations of feelings of superiority or condescension.'

Coat Hooks Revisited

I've been looking back at old stuff to add to the blog.  I was looking for 'Solitary Spaces' and found this little bit of prose from the end of October 2010.  I read it and thought, actually it is quite interesting and relevant.  I've changed the names to Absent Father, DN1, and DN2.  I remember buying the coats hooks and they still look great, and I am pleased with how the room turned out.  But then I could always make a home.

Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come

We're in that bit before the big season and I have to confess this is usually my favourite time of the Christmas period.  The anticipation, the planning, the dreams.  However I would be lying to you if I tried to pretend I have always found Christmas fun.  Oh no, for many years Christmas was a duty to get through.  An expensive, waist-increasing, depressing realisation that my life wasn't sparkly and I wasn't treasured.  All of which is a bit bordering on Dickensian, but I have a feeling I'm not alone in having dreaded the Christmas season.  Am I justified in this Bah Humbug attitude?  I have a sneaking feeling I just might be.

Lessons Learnt

This piece is very different from anything else I wrote.  It came as part of one of my 'self improvement' schemes to stop looking backwards into a rosy past.  It is terribly easy to dwell, and I do indeed 'dwell' when I'm tired or sad or lonely, which happens more often than is helpful.

The Monster Within

Knowing yourself is perhaps the greatest indication of a mature person.  Knowing others, well, that's more a question of life. 

Vintage Poetry

This was one of the very early poems.  A cry in the darkness.  It never has had a name

Sugar Coated Saturdays

I am going to add a few poems today.  I wanted to start with 'Sugar' but I can't find it at the moment.  Let me explain.

Watershed Moments

Big changes are afoot.  Daughter Number 2 has passed her driving test.  First time.  This is a major cause for celebration on many levels.  For her it is much wanted and needed independence, and a chance to show she is more successful than those who have gone before her.  Poor DN2 has always rather suffered  being second, whatever she has achieved, it has always, however unintentionally, been in the shadow of DN1.  Now she can relish the success of being the only member of the family, including her Absent Father, who has passed the driving test first time.

Tight Ropes for Beginners

So I woke up this morning knowing which poems I'll show you next.  They were written quite a long time apart, but they are about the same person. 

On a little roll

Well, of course, tell myself I'm writing once a week, and here I sit, glass of dry oloroso at my side, and I think I've got another post in me.  Actually this is because the latest poem is forming, and now is more or less formed.  I've wanted to publish a book of my poems for sometime, and nearly got it together a while ago with one of self publishing companies, but as ever something else took over and I never finished the project.

oh what the heck, let's do two in a day

I said we'd have some poetry, so let's start with an autumn theme. Of sorts

On Beauty

At what point when
The leaves turn,
Are they not beautiful?
When you swish in
Tree-lined boulevards,
Do you not see
The glory of each vein?
But are they instead
Not dying dreams
Of a long ago spring.

When acid, bright and clear,
Life coursed along
Every frond and vein,
Hopeful of a day stretching further;
Every day,
Until the glory of midsummer.

Then quietly,
Time ticked away.
The glory wasn’t acid,
Just stately, fading, drying.

One by one we fell,
To be kicked along
The boulevards,
Dying by degrees,
Unseen by feet,
Tramping towards the spring
That never could be ours.

10/28/2011

And why did I forget all this? Are yes, life got in the way

So I had all these great ideas for putting together a blog detailing my reinvention as an independent single woman in her 40s rebuilding a life destroyed through divorce.  And when I wrote the last blog I was in a good space, moving forwards, even if the dirt was somewhat overwhelming.  What happened?  Why did I forget to write that second blog.  Well, I had started it and life got in the way.  What life I cannot honestly remember, but clearly my resolve to be witty, articulate and positive was knocked by something.  But isn't that just a truth, you don't think something through, a good big plan forms in your mind, and then 'bang' something happens and it's  batten down the hatches and just keep going until calm waters are found again.