Lessons Learnt

This piece is very different from anything else I wrote.  It came as part of one of my 'self improvement' schemes to stop looking backwards into a rosy past.  It is terribly easy to dwell, and I do indeed 'dwell' when I'm tired or sad or lonely, which happens more often than is helpful.

So I took myself in hand with a 'Captain of Games, come on Girl, stop being Hard Work' attitude.  There was a lot wrong with how my life was before James left, but I can't really see that anything we went through quite deserved the annihilation that occurred.  But the demolition ball did indeed swing my way, and as I pick through the metaphorical rubble, it doesn't help to sit amongst the ruins.  But when it hurts this much it is extremely tempting to do just that.  How on earth do you find the courage to get up?  Well, one day, you wobble and sit down, the next day you stand for a bit longer, and slump again, and eventually you take a faltering step away from the debris.  Then,of course, when you have a bit of regression, it is terribly easy to be feel guilty.  So I decided think about 10 things that I had learnt in the intervening time, just ten.  Sligthtly nervous, I thought improving, sensible thoughts.  I got to 10 and thought, 'well, I can't that leave out', and 'oh I yes, of course' and I kept writing.

So dear readers, I offer you '50 Things I learnt Since James Left'.  And I had to make myself stop at 50.  It was becoming a bit self congratulatory.  That would never do ;)

50 Things I have learnt since James left


1. How to fill the washer bottle on the car without looking at the manual
2. How much the Council Tax is without looking it up
3. I look better with long hair and highlights
4. Cleanse, tone and moisturise does not take long and is not because my skin is aging overly fast
5. Having glasses that suit me regardless of expense is not an indulgence
6. How to stick fire rope to the wood burner
7. Eating cold pizza or sweet and sour king prawn and prawn crackers for breakfast every once in a while is not the end of civilisation as we know it
8. Where to get the wiper blades changed
9. I am beautiful
10. The dog is fine with a dog walker
11. I don’t have a drink problem
12. How to unblock the kitchen sink
13. Having a career does not mean the dog and family will suffer
14. I like things clean, tidy and organised but can live with chaos for a few days without believing everything is out of control and it’s all my fault
15. He never loved me
16. There are better things to do on Saturday mornings than sort socks.
17. Varying the visiting times to the pub makes it a more interesting place
18. I have always been a very good looking woman despite some dodgy style choices
19. Being told you are ‘nice’ and look ‘good’ destroys your self esteem
20. I’m capable of remembering to put the bins out on time
21. It’s easier to look attractive when your clothes are stored in good quality wardrobes
22. Ironing your knickers and hanky every night is a bit odd
23. Workman don’t treat you badly if you tell them you will wait until you have the money before you engage their services
24. He was right about the benefits of paying workman promptly
25. You don’t need to keep every utility bill you’ve ever been sent
26. Cardboard rots unpleasantly when left too long in a damp cellar
27. Running out of heating oil in March is not a major disaster
28. An electric blanket helps compensate for the loss of a warm body next to you in bed, but not totally
29. Losing your mind in grief is recoverable, mostly
30. Sex in hotel rooms can be excellent, but not always
31. Internet dating is not a refuge for the desperate or the inadequate
32. How to use an oyster card like a native and top it up with a debit card
33. Fun is a component of your life and does not have to be paid for with extra duty or service
34. Sleeping in the afternoon is not a sign of weakness
35. You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness
36. The dog will survive with cereal for breakfast once in a while
37. Ready meals are not a sign that you don’t care about animal welfare, salt content and using up the world’s precious resources with too much packaging
38. Lots of people like me
39. I am a good friend
40. It’s fun to drive really fast sometimes
41. How to get the dishwasher out and turn the switch on the plug when it’s been knocked off and put the machine back to the correct spot
42. That I’m perfectly capable of choosing the right drill bit, raw plug and screw and drilling the hole correctly
43. Stopping for coffee at Nero’s when I’m shopping alone makes the trip more enjoyable and not because I’m weak and need a rest
44. Meeting a friend in Nero’s for a gossip isn’t indulgent or extravagant
45. I can have adventures if I want
46. I’m a great mother, but not a perfect one
47. I don’t have an allergy to waxing
48. I’m fine as I am
49. My eyes are blue, not grey
50. Once a man leaves, never have him back

August 2010