One of those Waiting Nights

So, for better or ill, I'm having a go at internet dating again.  To be honest I don't really want to do it, but I feel I'm going stale, chasing fantasies, not of the Absent Father, no, maybe that's the problem, I have moved away from that safe, but so unstable harbour.  Now I am really single. So what happens next?


Yes, if you were a detached person you would find yourself a decent man, but I seem unable to do that, drawn to those who have other and 'better' attachments.  Is this just part of the process, or is this my lot, forever damned to find meagre comfort in a man who really wants another?  Heck I hope not, I hope this is just a phase I'm going through.  I'm utterly sick of men who profess that there is someone or something else, be it child, ex, job or hobby, that is somehow the most important thing in their life.  But do I do the same, in my camouflage not to seem needy.  Do I want a 'needy' man?  No I don't.  Do I want to appear 'needy'?  Definitely not, but those who read this blog tend to identify this longing in me for a man.  Am I really that transparent, or is that what you want for me? Because it is 'normal' in society for people to be paired up.  Ok, you are kind, understanding and sorted with your own life.  We've all read about people like me bleating on, but really, surely I can't be one of the hopeless ones?  You like me, maybe you have met me and sort of told me you like reading all this, even if the poems aren't 'quite your thing'  What, or who am I waiting for?


What do I do next?  My lovely ex-boyfriend, from whom I had the amicable break up, and is now with 'the one', tells me I shouldn't settle for anything less than 'upmarket' Times or the Telegraph dating, at the very least.  This fills me with horror, apparently I should not compromise on the important bits - good intellect, good looks, good sense of humour, etc.  Why do I feel he is leaving me a menu for solititude?  I mean, really?  How about dream the impossible dream?  Which is what I did whilst listening to Alison Moyet's beautiful version of the Michel Legrand classic 'What are You Doing the Rest of Your Life'  I cannot imagine being that obsessed and convinced of another ever again.  Just imagine if someone felt that way about you.  The stuff of fantasy. For me, it seems.  


One of those Waiting Nights


If only I had known,
And hadn't jumped in,


Perhaps, who knows
I may not have paid,
This price.

Of waiting nights.

The quiet nights,
When the silence of rejection,
Reverberates within the walls,
I've built
To keep you out.

In case it hurts,
When it hurts,
Again.

Do you want to battle
The briars and the dragons
And find the Princess
Left me waiting
For you?

Whilst she leapt upon
My unicorn,
Jumped over my rainbow,
Made certain her escape,

Sure she wasn't me,
Left in this tower,
Waiting.