truth or lies?

I'm not going off the bridge any time soon, it would be much too theatrical, I feel. But it would be nice to know there was some point to all this struggle; for it to be worth such restraint.

Lies

I should be doing more,

I must be doing less,

Frightened of the dark,

Fearful of the rain,

Terrified of the voice inside

Which says

I’ve failed and failed

Again.

This life I’ve formed for me,

Out of the wreck of us,

Is great, they say

Just looking in,

But how’d they know

When the voice within

Says I’ve failed and failed

Again.

He would see the gaps and faults,

The bits I’ve skimmed and missed,

The chaos teeming underneath,

The never ending lists.

The deadlines failed,

The piles of dust,

The washing in the sink,

Would not escape

His cruel gaze,

All captured in a blink.

‘Just tiredness’ they cry,

‘You push yourself too hard’,

‘Rest, and think of all your friends

Who came to party on,

To celebrate your friendship,

Enjoy how far you’ve come’

A window looking in,

Would see the peace I bought,

The price I’ve paid

For carrying on,

To be who I ought

To be;  the one you watched

And dreamed, and hoped I could

Be if I tried,

But did not know,

So long ago,

The life inside had died.

02/08/2012