Turkish Delight

I’ve been told that you can wish yourself into a situation, and I’m not sure to what extent this is true.  My sensible, logical brain, which is largely offline as I sit by the pool at the Hotel Era, Ovacek, Turkey, tells me that children with cancer have not deserved what they get, the responsibility for your fortune, good or ill, is not yours to determine.  My psychotherapist and I argue about this one at regular intervals as he tries to tease out of me what my part has been in my own destiny.  A prevalent thought of mine has been that I have been a victim of others’ bad behaviour, but he is quietly and irritatingly persistent I had a role to play.

Which is something, dear friends in the blog sphere, you would have, no doubt, worked out long ago, and part of my ruminations has been accepting and digesting this truth.  So given the idea that you can affect your life, what can you do?  Can you think yourself in and out of misery?  This is what the depressives amongst you grapple with, whilst the doctors prescribe tablets to balance those neurochemicals they believe are responsible for the mire you find yourself in.  The truth as I see it is there is probably a balance, as in all things, of mind and matter.  But what about the opportunities that come to you? 

In an attempt to help me through friends have gently pointed out that by being negative, in believing that there is no man out there, then that will become my destiny.  But that is an unfalsifiable statement, a post hoc analysis, something my A level students know I abhor, as it defines the truth rather than identifies it.  I reason that I am merely trying to face the options that come before me with courage, and by considering the idea that I may be single forever, at least I can think the thoughts and have the discussion, with myself if no-one else.  But just supposing there may be something in it, that I’m creating my destiny, a destiny I don’t want.

So I’ve decided to try an experiment and write love poetry.  I nearly fell in love quite recently.  I could feel the passion rising, but the circumstances were as ever: man unattainable, situation impossible.  Perhaps that was why I was letting myself feel the emotion, perhaps even, that was the attraction.  So dear friends, brace yourself for saccharine, or maybe this will be the real thing, who knows? 

I’ll keep you posted, of course, would you expect anything less?

Dreams

Come and kiss me better,

Soft and unrelenting

Upon my jaw and my lips.

Trace the line of my neck

Bury you head in delight and move back to

Taste that sure and lonely sweetness,

That has been waiting,

For you

To look into my eyes,

To know the woman you love

Was waiting round that corner

When love exploded,

In technicolour ecstasy.

Rainbow’s end.

At last.

16/08/2012